Its not that I do not enjoy being outside soaking up the suns rays on a beach with friends, because that is one of my favorite activities. I just am completely interested in social interest and social standards of hierarchy change over time. I see being tan as a measure of free time and enjoying the nice weather but it was probably only a little while back when being tan was degrading to your social standing. It amazes me. Or what kids think is cool. About 50 years ago African Americans were fighting for the rights of equality and not being subject to the back of the bus. Now kids all across the country find it "popular" to ride in the back of the bus. I don't know why I question this but I have. All these questions from a sunburn I received on a beach of Lake Michigan.
I have begun my summer of 2010. I am excited and anxious for this summer to unfold. I am staying in the United States this summer, well that is the plan. Sort of weird because the past three years I have left home and the US. From these summers out of country I have been able to understand that God is with me. Very weird at times to admit but I truly believe He is always there. If God was present in my life before I even acknowledged Him then how could he not be with me now as I am seeking Him through the things He has given me. Reasons why this summer is shaping up to be absolutely amazing: I get to spend time with myself and push myself in a direction that God has paved. I get to be close to my family. My first drive in. Learn how to sail? Trips around the great state of Michigan. Trips out of the state. Weddings. Tennis. Probably many other things that just have not run across my mind.
As this summer unfolds, I get to reconnect with a great man, Michael Farran, as he returns back home. I get to attend a wedding. I get to take a math placement test to see if my future is in math. I get to attend a graduation open house for my cousin and hang out with family.
I am ready to experience this summer.
I guess that is what all that build up was leading to.
I have become fascinated with the man, Bear Grylls, after watching Man vs. Wild. I know that some people don't like it because it is not complete survival. I just read an article with the names of his three sons in it. He begins pretty rationally with Jessie but the next two are crazy. Marmaduke and Huckleberry are the other two names. And for some reason this got me to thinking about names. Our names are our identities most of the time. It is quite weird to think that letters put in a certain order allows us to identify someone. From the specific name we can recognize that person and their characteristics. Well, that is if the name isn't common like Josh Webb. But still my full given name gives me a unique identity to the people who recognize me as those letters.
I have always thought I knew who I was growing up but have come to realize that what I knew growing up is only a part of my identity. I always have had so many different nicknames that I responded to throughout grade school and high school. And my first year of college was the same. I received a, very well suited, nickname from my peers but nevertheless it was a new identity or name. The struggle with me trying to truly understand what I am doing with my life probably doesn't directly correlate but it gives a structure to telling the story. I have always been the good kid that everyone likes and says HI to. But this was not as rewarding as I hoped for. So I am beginning a new journey. The journey of obeying God through allowing him to show me what I am supposed to do instead of fighting with myself. Will this be smooth sailing from here on out, absolutely not. I do not understand how some people can think their lives are perfects once they choose to follow God. If I have learned anything from following God and his will for me, is that I will continue to fuck up. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ then there is no way I will ever let myself think I am above anyone else. I mean, I often take part in events that show my ignorance in thinking I am above another human being. I just understand that God made me and every other person. The only time I will think good of my self is when I fully understand being in Christ. It is hard for me to understand this because I am horrible at submitting myself to someone else. It is a disease that I am fighting every day. My life is only good because Jesus died for my sins (and yours), rose from the grave, and ascended to heaven.
I am one hundred percent sure that my brain was going faster than my fingers. And I am not a big fan of re-reading my writing. So sorry for the crazy transition and if you have any questions, leave a comment.
and once again here is a little song to enjoy from the Avett Brothers.
So, some of you reading this may not be the biggest fans of Kanye West but I respect him, and by this I am referring to some of the songs he makes. This song gives me a real vision of how money and material things can overtake a man's life and ambitions.
On this Mother's day I have come to understand the my Mother's role in my life. She is simply one of the most amazing people ever. And when I say that, I do not mean it in the cliche way of making everything wonderful and handling all her problems flawlessly. She shows me how a tough life can break such a strong person. And yet after she is broken God is there.
My mom is the person who is always there no matter how often we do not talk or get frustrated with each other. I want to "have pride like my mother, not the kind that the bible says is bad." (the avett brothers) It is just simply amazing to have relationships with other human beings. If I can reason, think morally, and have relationships with others, I have no idea how God did not create. Sorry this post is going all over the place but since I haven't wrote on this in a while, I have had a lot to process. One of the things being the idea of God not being God of the bible, or any God for that matter.
Well. I could keep writing but I feel like it would last forever. And like I always tell myself, I am going to be posting much more to this blog in the future.
