I have braced myself for the fact that I may never know what I am supposed to do. Well, in the sense of an occupation that is. I know I am committed to the vocation of pursuing a life that connects with people that are broken and will always be broken in this life. I want to dedicate myself to giving everyone a glimpse of hope.
I am a person who gets caught up with the idea of pursuing a specific career that will give me some sense of fulfillment. I have come to realize that I have been given the ability to love a little bit of everything. So I am turning my focus to that. Everything. I am in school right now to become a teacher and will finish strong with the desire to teach. But as I begins the search for jobs in about 3 years I am going to apply anywhere that I feel open to. I have been the gift of being open to not knowing what exactly is going to happen in the near future. I plan to take this understanding to the next level and accept it. I don't know what will happen.
In this journey, I have already found a vocation and an occupation is the least of my worries. I am a boy with a head full of doubt but traveling down a road full of promise. Thanks God.
Thank you Canada for beginning the chain of Tim Horton's. But I bet Tim Horton's in Canada does not have live music on Mondays like the one in Holt, Michigan.
I began doing my homework at the local Tim Horton's because I was unable to work due to bee stings acquired this past weekend. With doing homework and live music and being surrounded by wonderful people about 40 years older than I, I want to thank God for giving me this opportunity to enjoy myself on a Monday. I have been given so much in my life and I keep receiving gifts daily. I just feel like a loser because I have no idea what songs he is singing and cannot join in. Some people just know how to enjoy life. Through all the problems they have endured in life they have come together today to enjoy music and good company.
I suggest doing something like this on routine to allow yourself to relax and soak up all that life has to give to you. And spend time recognizing the beauty of every detail.
This summer has been simply amazing up to this point. I have been given so many opportunities to spend quality time with quality people. I had high expectations for this summer of 2010 because it was a summer that I was not traveling out of country. The freedom of the summer has allowed me to pick up and go on a road trip, take a bath in Lake Michigan, read a book (i truly only think i have read two entire books that were over a hundred pages including the one I just finished reading), have a water fight, and watch a handful of sunsets.
All this opportunity has given me peace and rest. But at the same time it has gave me time to think how I need to grow as a man. I do not know how to express my feelings, I need to understand me, and let God into my life every day. God has given me this freedom and I must let him direct me along the winding path.
I have thought all of this because of the single water fight that I was able to participate in with a great friend, and two younger siblings of his girlfriend (also a great friend). The water fight was so enjoyable and freeing that I realized this is how I should feel from day to day because God has given me this freedom. The freedom from anything that would hold me back. With nothing holding me back what can't I accomplish.
Its not that I do not enjoy being outside soaking up the suns rays on a beach with friends, because that is one of my favorite activities. I just am completely interested in social interest and social standards of hierarchy change over time. I see being tan as a measure of free time and enjoying the nice weather but it was probably only a little while back when being tan was degrading to your social standing. It amazes me. Or what kids think is cool. About 50 years ago African Americans were fighting for the rights of equality and not being subject to the back of the bus. Now kids all across the country find it "popular" to ride in the back of the bus. I don't know why I question this but I have. All these questions from a sunburn I received on a beach of Lake Michigan.
I have begun my summer of 2010. I am excited and anxious for this summer to unfold. I am staying in the United States this summer, well that is the plan. Sort of weird because the past three years I have left home and the US. From these summers out of country I have been able to understand that God is with me. Very weird at times to admit but I truly believe He is always there. If God was present in my life before I even acknowledged Him then how could he not be with me now as I am seeking Him through the things He has given me. Reasons why this summer is shaping up to be absolutely amazing: I get to spend time with myself and push myself in a direction that God has paved. I get to be close to my family. My first drive in. Learn how to sail? Trips around the great state of Michigan. Trips out of the state. Weddings. Tennis. Probably many other things that just have not run across my mind.
As this summer unfolds, I get to reconnect with a great man, Michael Farran, as he returns back home. I get to attend a wedding. I get to take a math placement test to see if my future is in math. I get to attend a graduation open house for my cousin and hang out with family.
I am ready to experience this summer.
I guess that is what all that build up was leading to.
I have become fascinated with the man, Bear Grylls, after watching Man vs. Wild. I know that some people don't like it because it is not complete survival. I just read an article with the names of his three sons in it. He begins pretty rationally with Jessie but the next two are crazy. Marmaduke and Huckleberry are the other two names. And for some reason this got me to thinking about names. Our names are our identities most of the time. It is quite weird to think that letters put in a certain order allows us to identify someone. From the specific name we can recognize that person and their characteristics. Well, that is if the name isn't common like Josh Webb. But still my full given name gives me a unique identity to the people who recognize me as those letters.
I have always thought I knew who I was growing up but have come to realize that what I knew growing up is only a part of my identity. I always have had so many different nicknames that I responded to throughout grade school and high school. And my first year of college was the same. I received a, very well suited, nickname from my peers but nevertheless it was a new identity or name. The struggle with me trying to truly understand what I am doing with my life probably doesn't directly correlate but it gives a structure to telling the story. I have always been the good kid that everyone likes and says HI to. But this was not as rewarding as I hoped for. So I am beginning a new journey. The journey of obeying God through allowing him to show me what I am supposed to do instead of fighting with myself. Will this be smooth sailing from here on out, absolutely not. I do not understand how some people can think their lives are perfects once they choose to follow God. If I have learned anything from following God and his will for me, is that I will continue to fuck up. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ then there is no way I will ever let myself think I am above anyone else. I mean, I often take part in events that show my ignorance in thinking I am above another human being. I just understand that God made me and every other person. The only time I will think good of my self is when I fully understand being in Christ. It is hard for me to understand this because I am horrible at submitting myself to someone else. It is a disease that I am fighting every day. My life is only good because Jesus died for my sins (and yours), rose from the grave, and ascended to heaven.
I am one hundred percent sure that my brain was going faster than my fingers. And I am not a big fan of re-reading my writing. So sorry for the crazy transition and if you have any questions, leave a comment.
and once again here is a little song to enjoy from the Avett Brothers.
So, some of you reading this may not be the biggest fans of Kanye West but I respect him, and by this I am referring to some of the songs he makes. This song gives me a real vision of how money and material things can overtake a man's life and ambitions.
On this Mother's day I have come to understand the my Mother's role in my life. She is simply one of the most amazing people ever. And when I say that, I do not mean it in the cliche way of making everything wonderful and handling all her problems flawlessly. She shows me how a tough life can break such a strong person. And yet after she is broken God is there.
My mom is the person who is always there no matter how often we do not talk or get frustrated with each other. I want to "have pride like my mother, not the kind that the bible says is bad." (the avett brothers) It is just simply amazing to have relationships with other human beings. If I can reason, think morally, and have relationships with others, I have no idea how God did not create. Sorry this post is going all over the place but since I haven't wrote on this in a while, I have had a lot to process. One of the things being the idea of God not being God of the bible, or any God for that matter.
Well. I could keep writing but I feel like it would last forever. And like I always tell myself, I am going to be posting much more to this blog in the future.
The first time I heard the Avett Brothers, I was a fan. It is the perfect music for me. I love to listen to it while studying, writing a paper, at a party, whenever. To give you a little taste of what music they make (which is simply just good music) here is a video.
